Today

Sometimes I feel like I can't breathe.

Today I spent my morning at Fini's school.  For the second day in a row.  As much as I love those little guys, it's exhausting.  I'm up and moving, watching everything they do.  Yesterday's project involved hot wax and tiny hands.  Today's project involved glitter and tiny hands.  Adorable?  Yes.  Messy?  Yes.  Exhausting?  Absolutely.

I came home to a super dirty chicken coop that needed attention immediately.  Our coop is sized for six chickens, and we only have four, but all the rain has really made it difficult to keep up with.

When I finally got inside, the dog had made a mess.  I mean, really, what. is. up?!  I cannot catch a break.  So I cleaned some more.  Then did the dishes from last night and this morning.  And folded some laundry.  And thought about two conversations from earlier today.  Initially, I was angry.  The people didn't mean to piss me off.  Or even to be mean or hurtful.  It was the truth.  I'm hurt.  I'll pull up my big girl panties and get over it.

I've had some ideas in my mind for awhile.  Sometimes I feel like if I don't throw some paint on a canvas I'm going to go crazy.  I spend so much of my time taking care of others that sometimes I forget who I am.  But in a couple of hours in the studio I'm able to turn it all around.  Bright paints, my favorite brushes, my paint-stained apron, and a few no longer blank canvases and I'm feeling alright again.  Breathe.

Tonight is zumba for the first time in two months after a doctor-induced break.  Everything is fine.  Except that I couldn't breathe.  But I've been itching to get back to one of the things I love the most.  I'm nervous that I'll go right back to where I was weeks ago.  I'm going to go slow, and take breaks when I need them.  Because I need this.  The rest of the world can wait; I need to breathe.