On Rejection (Or Why my Toddler is like a Tiny Drunk Person)

I have a toddler.  Most of the time he's pretty good, amazing even.  But for the past four months he's been subject to sudden, violent mood swings.  The kind where his little body trembles with anger, he balls his tiny hands into fists, and strikes out at me with surprisingly little accuracy, but occasionally will land a left hook into my cheekbone and leave a sad little bruise.  He screams and rants and raves, his little face all screwed up in complete frustration.  If you set him on the floor he thrashes about, seemingly in agony.  Occasionally he throws up and then passes out from exhaustion.  Either he's a really tiny, very angry drunk person, or he's a nearly three year-old, frustrated little boy.

Do you know why he's upset?  Because I am not his father.  And this is the end of the world.

Sigh.

(Just so we're all clear, I live in a little house with my two boys and amazing husband.  My child has never been abandoned by or far away from--except for the occasional work trip--his father.)

This is upsetting to me.  I am a stay at home mama.  My husband works from home, but aside from eating our meals together, during the day Daddy Goes to Work.  We don't bother Daddy; he is off-limits.  It is my job to keep my house clean, feed my children, and attend to their general happiness.  I base my day's activities on the state of my children, and the cleanliness of my house (with the occasional all-afternoon sewing bender.)  My son's long-term obsession with his daddy is really tough on me; it leaves me feeling like I am somehow less of a mother.  Like I am incapable of keeping even my own offspring happy and content.

I've tried everything.  I cuddle and kiss him as much as he'll let me.  I sometimes try to buy his affection with treats and toys.  He's consistently not impressed by my unabashed attempts to buy his love, at least not with lasting affects.  I tell him I love him as much as I can.  I shower that boy with affection, and in return I am told "me don't love you; me love Daddy!"

In a snotty toddler (tiny drunk) voice.

I've told myself it's just a phase.  My husband has told me it's just a phase.  But seriously, I am at my wit's end.  I'm done.  I've had it up to here.  Kapoot.

So, how would you handle this?  Four months in toddler time is a very long time.  I'm pretty sure I'm going to lose my mind.  Or send him to the Betty Ford Center.

Where Does the Time Go?

I'm pretty sure I was just having my babies a few days ago.  College was like last week, right?  I mean, when did my kids grow up so much?  I have all of a sudden found myself with a FIRST GRADER and a PRESCHOOLER.  I can't believe it.

Eamon is growing up so much, and I need to document this momentous occasion: Kindergarten Graduation.

He is kind, loving, sensitive, trying, annoying, amazing, intelligent (so, so, so intelligent,) loud, quiet, soft, and beautiful.  He picks flowers for me every time he sees them.  He is always quick to ask me what's wrong, and senses when I need space.  He tries to be kind to his little brother--it's so hard to always be the bigger person (literally and figuratively.)  He reads at above the sixth grade level.  He can match me in conversations that should be over his head.  His understanding of numbers is absolutely amazing.  He loves to make "sugar bombs" whenever we have frozen yogurt.  He loves chocolate and chocolate cake, just like his mama.  He tells me he loves me everyday.  He builds amazing lego creations and draws intricate pictures for us.  He makes us laugh everyday.  This kid is going places, and I love him to pieces.

March

March was a really short month for me--Jes was out of town for two weeks, which left me with the kiddos and not a whole lot of time for much of anything else.  Here's hoping April is a bit kinder!

Blarney O'Callaghan visited, but alas, we didn't catch him!

Birthy Stuff

Haircut

Date Night

The Great Wheel, Seattle

Best Pod Skeleton, Ever

Spring Flowers from the Garden

Finished Handwarmers for a Friend

Renal Sleeve for my Dad

I've been losing weight!

Knitting

Sick--yep, that happened right as Jes left to go out of town.

Riding Bikes

I received an AWESOME purse from Chris!

I finally finished sewing my infinity scarf!

Spring!

It's been very spring-y lately. I'm loving the warmer weather, being outside, doing a bit of yardwork, and having lots of "pimiks" in the backyard. E loves the nice weather as well! Here's hoping it comes back soon to replace the yucky, cold, rainy weather of this week!

New Fall Items

A few new items have gone into the shop recently. A new green patchwork bag, and two new styles of crayon rolls, perfect for fall!

And a dose of funny:

Eamon: "Daddy, is Clifford red?"
Daddy: "Yes."
Eamon: "Does he mean stop?"

Hahahaha! I mean seriously, how cute is that???

E's Rocket Party!

My little boy is turning three this Tuesday, which, of course, is making me a bit emotional. But I am remembering that he is now referred to as a "Big Boy," as I am reminded at least thirteen times a day. So, with a few requests--a giant chocolate cake, a rocket, and friends--I set out to plan his birthday celebration. I tried to keep the party fairly simple this year, but did try to incorporate a bit of a theme--so robots, rockets, and space it was!

A bit of a funny thing: I keep telling E that his birthday is coming, so all this past week, he wanted me to open the door to "let Birthday in!" Ha ha!!!

I hope you enjoy the photos from my baby's--er, Big Boy's--special day!

The Rocket:



The Giant Chocolate Cake:





And friends!




(I'm a little disappointed that I didn't get a good picture of the goody bags, but you'll have to trust me that they were wicked cute!)

First Day of School

Yesterday was E's first day of preschool! He had such a good time, and was very brave. Which is more than I can say for myself, since I was crying before I even left.

Mommy's Brave Boy!

Mommy's Brave Boy!
Originally uploaded by Tiny House

We took the little man to the ER Saturday night for 1st and 2nd degree burns on his hands and feet. Oy vey. Scary night, and woohoo for backyard wading pools! He's fine, and still very medicated with Motrin and Tylenol with Codeine.

Random:

GPS, why did you choose that night to be erratic and restart? We had a hard time finding the hospital.

Why didn't I write directions to the hospitals and tape them inside my glovebox? (Note to self--get on that!!!)

Eamon, stop pulling the "strings" on your hands. Gauze rips and you don't like to hold still long enough for me to re-wrap your hand.

Oh, and he keeps telling me "I don't want anymore marshmallows!" Poor kid will have an aversion to marshmallows for awhile, since he's associating them with his burn.

Finally, thank goodness it wasn't any worse that what it was. Lesson learned.

Holding Hands

Holding Hands
Originally uploaded by Tiny House

My son has a new little friend. We went out to lunch, then walked to the duck pond, and they insisted on holding each other's hands. It was so sweet. They had the best conversation on the way (of course I can't remember exactly what they said, but whatever.) I love this kid!

Little Revelations

Super E!
Originally uploaded by Tiny House

My son is an angel. But sometimes I think he's ruling the dark side. We've had the most rough past few weeks. Bug is going through something right now, and his behavior ranges from demon-like to the sweetest angel.

I think he's permanently attached himself to me. He always wants to be held--but only by Mommy. Housework and sewing have fallen by the wayside as we spend nearly every waking moment together, playing, sleeping, eating. Even at mealtimes, he needs to be in my lap. For the past week or so he's only gone to sleep lying in (our) bed with my arms around him. I can't listen to him whack his head on the wall and scream, "want mommy, want to sleep with mommy," all night. I realize that he'll eventually fall asleep if I let him cry it out, but it hurts my heart to do so.

But of course the good always outweighs the bad. And we keep moving on, hoping that he will outgrow this stage soon, always reminding ourselves how much we love this little person. And we look at pictures of him to remember how much our lives have changed--in the best possible way--because of this little human. Of course, the cheeseball face helps.

Christmas Decorations and a bit of Self-Reflection

Christmas Decorations
Originally uploaded by Tiny House

(Looking for the giveaway? Click here. The giveaway will be going until 12PM Pacific time tomorrow, and I'll announce the winner Saturday. (Or sooner if I feel like it.))

I'm slowly putting up our Christmas decorations. I actually added a bit to the mantle, but haven't taken a picture yet. Grandma Judy gave us a bunch of decorations; otherwise it would just be a tree and stockings for us. (We really, really pared down when we moved from Boston. Like half of our possessions are gone.)

A friend has offered us a fresh-cut tree (they won't be using theirs this year due to a rather curious 13 month-old!) I'm so excited! Once I get that, I'll be able to finish decorating.

Yesterday, driving up to Puyallup to visit some fabric and thrift stores, I had a bit of time to think, as Bug was half-asleep. I was rather depressed, and being quite negative to myself, which led me to wonder if I'm a good mom. Yes, I *know* I am, but sometimes it's hard to remember that as my child is schlepped in the car all afternoon, or throwing tantrums constantly, or hasn't eaten a single fresh vegetable or fruit since I made all his baby food. Welcome to the world of two year-olds, I suppose.

Anyway, after stopping at Starbucks for a much needed mocha, sketch book, and toy truck break, I was feeling much better about my role as a mom! Yey Starbucks!

My point--such that it is--is that all this self-reflection led me to think about what made my childhood holidays so special. I remember picking out our Christmas trees, the church pageant, hot cocoa (and coffee when I was older) with candy canes, the giant open house my dad's family held every year, complete with an awesome buffet, and of course presents, and falling asleep near the Christmas tree waiting for Santa to come (or maybe just trying to prolong the magical feeling once I was older.) And I want to recreate that magical feeling for my son, but I'm stuck for ideas. Do you have a favorite holiday tradition (or traditions) that I could try to incorporate into our holiday celebrations?

I hope all of you are having a wonderful, magical holiday season!

Sleep

I love you, but I also love sleep. I'm tired.

Did you know it's Daylight Saving's Time today? Yep, that's right--we get an extra hour of sleep. Well, we should have had an extra hour of sleep, I should say. And why did you sleep in yesterday, when it was Daddy's turn to get up with you? Come to think of it, why do you sleep in every time it's Daddy's turn, but you get up super early when it's Mommy's turn? Huh?

Mommy loves you, but please don't bug her before her first cup of coffee. I mean it. Mommy's tired.

I mean it.

Where did I put my coffee?

Yes, you can watch Curious George fifteen times in a row, as long as I can sleep.

No, Daddy is still sleeping, so please refrain from a screaming tantrum. No, please do not throw your big fire truck. What's that? That's a fire truck. Seriously. Now you want to know what a fire truck says? It says "woo woo." Now seriously, Mommy needs her coffee. She didn't go to sleep until 1AM last night. Why's that? Because she has a migraine.

Bug, I love you. But again, leave me alone until I've had my coffee. Can you get your own breakfast today? And while you're at it, please stop banging your metal pots and pans against your wooden play food! It really aggravates my migraine. Where's my Tylenol?

No, it's too early to go to the park. It's raining. It's too wet. I said no! We can splash in the puddles later.

Oh, here's my coffee, in the refrigerator. Yum. Cold coffee and Tylenol, breakfast of champions.

Oh for God's Sake...Stop Makin' Messes

Tonight we were making the beds, and Bug decided to "hep-oo Mommy, Mommy good boy hepper." (Help you Mommy, Mommy's good boy helper.) He helped alright, all the pillows up and down and off and on the bed, and tangling the sheets up, and jumping in the dirty laundry. When he tried to get his book off the dresser, he also pulled off a few other things. He looked at me, and said, "Oh for Gotsake. Top makin' metses!" After Jes and I were done laughing ourselves to tears, he giggled and said, "Dat piddy funny!" (That's pretty funny.)

I think I need to stop talking around him, since his best words come from me...he might have repeated the S-word...once or ten times...and maybe the D-word too. Especially while I was quilting my newest quilt--I've gotten to know my darning foot, and my seam ripper, rather well. Happy end of the weekend!

Tinky Pans

This morning started out kind of crazy. I had to take Bug to the emergency room, which, let me tell you, was slightly unnerving. Last week, our doctor told us Bug had hand, foot, and mouth disease, which is just a virus that you have to let work it's course. But he had a cold on top of that, which made him super cranky, and he hasn't been eating much (no big surprise there, but it's worse than usual.) Last night I noticed his rash was getting worse, and this morning it was super-bad (is that a word? It is now.) Plus, he had been sick in his bed--have you ever seen green vomit? I have now. Our car isn't here yet, so after a very early call (sorry Aunt Molly!) we were able to get a ride to the hospital. After an hour or so the doctor had confirmed that he had the hand, foot, and mouth disease, but also an ear infection. So now he has antibiotics. Really, it was nothing serious, but still a bit...exciting for my taste.

Now we're home, and Bug is napping, so I'm catching up on all my things--baking, cleaning, and blogging. Fun!



Ahhh...domesticity. Sometimes I think I was born of the wrong generation: I really enjoy keeping house, baking, sewing, gardening, cleaning, and raising my child. Our stuff still isn't here (the moving company estimates next week,) but we're making do. I even baked cookies today! (Never mind that they came out of a tube, and the baking sheet gets thrown out.)



The dog and cat are really enjoying following me all over our big empty house. Pecan, our cat, likes to sit on the stairs and bat at us when we walk by, trying to get our attention. And Nibbler, the dog, is following me everywhere. Right now she's sleeping on the stair just below me, snoring away.

Tinky Pans! Whenever I change Bug's diaper, I tend to call him stinky pants, so now he runs around yelling "Tinky Pans" when I want to change his diaper. Pretty awesome!

Hail? In July?

I heart New England weather! It's so strange to go out in the morning while it's blazing hot, the sun is (sort of) shining, and it's so darn muggy. And then 20 minutes later it's hailing, driving rain, there's thunder and lightning, and the wind's howling. And half an hour after that all's quiet and you can hear the thunder quietly rumbling in the distance. My gosh, I don't think I'll ever get used to it! But last night, as I drove home from my steering committee meeting, I was going toward a storm, and every few seconds the sky would light up with lightning, and the sky would rumble. The wind was blowing, but it was hot and muggy, and not quite dark where I was, and it wasn't raining yet. It was very wild and beautiful. It's a sharp contrast to the thunderstorms I remember from my youth, where you could actually see the lightning trace a path across the sky. I haven't actually seen that around here, but then again, I haven't ventured out much in the rain with the little Bug.

My little nephew is being born, right now, as I type. He's being lifted out via emergency C-section, since he is breech. Send happy thoughts!

In crafty news, I've started knitting a bit--some cuffs. I was a little inspired by Enhabiten's Etsy shop, particularly her cuffs and bracelets. I'm not generally a big bracelet wearer, but in the winter I get very cold, so what better than a little wrist scarf? :O) Anyway, the first finished item that I actually feel proud of is in the shop. I'm also working on one right now, very similar to Enhabiten's Fringe cuff, but obviously for me!





This weekend will hopefully see two finished capes for the kidlets. They've recently been very into wearing their towels and blankets around the house, draped over their shoulders and heads, so I think it's time they become super heros, and have their very own capes. I have most of the materials I need at home, and a quick trip to JoAnn's yesterday proved fruitful with $2.99 cotton to fill in the rest. So for about $6, plus fabric and felt I had on hand already, I hope to get two complete projects. We'll see.

Monadnaynay, the beach, and a shop update (oh my!)

Whew--three day weekends: they're long! But we did a lot, and for that I'm grateful.

Saturday was spent at the beach, eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (rubbed in the sand a bit first,) and drinking monadnaynay (lemonade.) Oh, and chocolate/vanilla twist ice cream. (Why do so many of our memories revolve around food?) It was a slightly chilly day, so no swimming (not that I swim in open water) but we put our toes in the ocean, and Bug tried to run into the water. After I "rescued" him (ha ha) we went back up to dig in the sand with his "spoon" and "fork" (shovel and rake.) After that he went "wunning" on the beach. Not bad for our first beach trip of the year! :O)



Sunday I was able to spend some time finishing up some projects, and updating the shop a little. I've reorganized my sections, as well as added some new items. I hope you like them!

It's Friday!

It's Friday, and I have the day off! What a strange combination! The family for which I work has an engagement today, so they let me have the day off. So far we walked to the diner down the street and had a late breakfast, then walked to a friend's house, and stopped at the playground on the way home. By the time we arrived home, my package had arrived and the rain had started in earnest, so I could get going on my latest project, which I hope to have listed soon in my shop.

I also ordered a little goodness so hopefully that will come soon, after clearing customs, and I can get started on Bug's quilt.

Right now we're having a fun thunder and lightening storm, and Bug is winding up for his nap, so it's off to be a mom for a bit! :O)

It's Hot Here!

It's been in the upper 90's, with high humidity. The kind of humidity that leaves you soaked in a matter of minutes. So the kids and I spent the morning and early afternoon at the spray park, trying to keep cool. They had a blast! Upon returning home, I put them down for naps in air conditioned rooms, only to have them wake up an hour and a half later when the power went out. Ugh! So I spent the last half of the afternoon with no air conditioning, in the sweltering heat, trying to entertain two toddlers who didn't want to do anything but complain about the heat. Needless to say I was very happy to escape to knitting group at the air conditioned Starbucks tonight!

Despite the heat, I've managed to keep on crafting, which is fantastic in my book. Not a whole lot for the store, but some stuff for myself and family. My brother is expecting a new little one any day now, so I need to finish the baby gift I started in January. Yep, I said January. I've managed to lose track of time. Again. I'm cool like that. It's really a talent I have. Right up there with losing my coffee cup in the morning and finding it three hours later, full of milky, cold coffee. Really great.

Ugh, I have baby fever! Did you see the post from SouleMama? She's expecting, and the post she left to announce it is adorable! My boss is also expecting, and just started to show, and I know a few other people who have had babies recently, so I'm around babies and pregnant women a lot. Plus, my own little Bug is about to turn two years old (eep!) Sadly, though, I have to wait awhile. The finances are not in line yet, especially given that the 3 year ARM on our house is going to expire in a year. So I have to work for now. I suppose as a consolation I will get to be around a tiny newborn for 45 hours a week starting in December, so that will help. :O)

Tomorrow is Farmer's Market day! Yey! We made it through most of our veggies and fresh bread, but unfortunately this past week we've eaten out a bit more than usual. It's been hot, remember? Funny enough, I actually cooked dinner tonight--baked chicken, roasted baby turnips, and sauteed turnip greens, but then left for knitting group before the chicken and turnips were done. So I had turnip greens and coffee cake for dinner. Which was not half bad! Especially when you add in the mocha! Oh, and I picked up some (light) Ben and Jerry's Phish Food, but that's not for tonight.

For Father's Day, we're going to New Hampshire, to the Conway Scenic Railroad. We're taking the valley train to Bartlett. Bug is going to absolutely FLIP when he sees all the trains, which are his current obsession.

Here's hoping we get the thunderstorm tonight to break the heatwave!

Pants! (Oops, no picture!)

So last night I made Bug the coolest pair of orange corduroy pants, complete with elephant cuffs and pockets. (Jes says they're clown pants.) (But what does he know anyway?) But then Summer arrived--it's supposed to be 80 degrees today. I swear, it went from Winter, to SprummerFall (the kind of weather that can't figure out what it is--name courtesy of a friend (have to give credit where credit's due,) to Summer in about one month. But I suppose that's typical New England weather. So we have to put the orange pants in the drawer for awhile, to wait for cooler weather. And by awhile I mean tomorrow--we're supposed to have T-storms.

I also have a bag (for myself) (yup, I'm selfish) in my head. A band across the top, with a pleated, well, bag underneath. And shorter straps. Or maybe longer, because I can't stand bags that I can't sling across my shoulders. And big enough to carry diapers and various accoutrements. (Yup, I just said accoutrements. And I didn't use the spellchecker!) We'll see how it turns out. Will I make it work, and end up with a zillion sold from my shop? Ha! We'll see.

Let's see--yesterday we went downtown. We had a picnic in the Commons, which Bug II slept through, then we went to Winmil Fabrics for some 1/2" elastic and to check out all the fun cottons (!) and other things I can't afford, and then we walked (a lot) and ended up in Borders, where Bug promptly fell asleep and Bug II and I spent some time playing and reading books in the children's section, dreaming up and adding to our wishlist. It's about a mile long. We also wandered over to the sewing section, but they didn't have Pretty Little Patchwork, which I really want to look at, but that was OK, I suppose. I think Porter Square Books has a copy I can look at, maybe today after naptime.

Today I have a steering committee meeting, so no sewing/crafting for me, but maybe tomorrow I'll have a chance to try to get that bag realized. I hadn't had a chance to make anything over the weekend, since I had to bake for my friend's birthday party (Black Forest Cake--could have done without the cherry alcohol, but OK just the same) and attend the party (fun!) and I spent Sunday cleaning my house (it needed it!) So anyway, I desperately needed to DO SOMETHING with my hands. So that's why I made the pants for Bug. They're quick, and simple, and give me a sense of accomplishment. Does anyone else ever get that itch? I suppose it's the same for Jes and his programming, when I can hardly tear him away from his computer to eat, or give Bug a bath, or whatever the case may be. Sometimes I think I'm addicted to my sewing--I actually feel a bit angry when I have to clear the table (my workspace) so we can EAT DINNER. Is this normal?? Do I need help?? :O) Maybe I should go sew something and ponder it some more.

Boom.

My son dropped a (very heavy) ball off the couch, and said, "boom." I'm constantly amazed at how much he has learned, and how much he repeats. Sometimes it reminds me that I need to watch what I say, or do. Ahem.

I'm very inspired by Soulemama's latest post (I think that's going to be a running theme for awhile!) Anyhow, she took an old comforter, and covered it with a new quilted duvet cover. I've been thinking for awhile now that I would like new bed linens, and I think this might have made me (jealous) inspired enough to make my own. Especially since we have a king size bed and let me tell you, those linens are NOT cheap!

Saturday I went to a fabric swap in Lexington, and it was great! It was put on by the Lexington Needle Arts Guild. I came home with two full bags of fabric and trim! Yey for free!

Tomorrow I get to work from home, since the neighbors of the people I nanny for are having a giant tree removed, and it will be very noisy and disruptive. So I plan to bake cookies with the kids, and have found this recipe to try. I'll post our results tomorrow!